Thursday, March 7, 2013

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Today’s post was going to be a continuation of party details however I have heard new this morning that has tilted my world slightly. Over the last few days I have found out about two couples we know who have had their marriage break down.

For me these separations are unexpected. These are solid couples who appear to have it together … I feel sad that they are going through so much hurt and pain, I feel terrible that for both of them it was so unexpected, obviously they have felt things aren’t right but didn’t realise the drastic thoughts their other halves were contemplating.

It makes me think and worry about just how solid the whole concept of “marriage” is. For me, its forever, when I looked into my husband’s eyes on my wedding day I was promising that he will always be the MOST important thing in my life and I would always put him first. In my head when he said “I do” he was promising to do the same.

Yes I realise that my idea is totally black and white and that all sorts of shades of grey twist their way into your perfect little world but I would hope that we are strong enough as a couple to work through them. But these breakups have me doubting that, these were not passionate, high emotion relationships. These are quiet, steady couples who to all intents are purposes seemed to have it together.

It makes you think, wonder and question – if it can happen to them … really it can happen to anyone.

As you would know, my husband is away A LOT and I have always had this unwavering belief that if our relationship is strong enough to survive that … we can survive anything. The question is how do you actually KNOW that its all going to work out like a fairy-tale. How do you know if there is a happily ever after if the ever after could end at any moment.

Obviously this has shaken me, I don’t like shades of grey … they make me doubt myself and others. You love me or you don’t, I am enough or I’m not ….

I feel like I should put in a lesson learnt here about never taking things for granted. Think about your other half the same way you did in those first months you found each other …. Make time to remember and relive all those romantic, special moment and just hold on to each other as tightly as you can with your eyes squeezed closed.

One thing I can tell you is that I can’t wait till Wednesday when hubby comes home and he can cuddle me close and tell me it’s all going to be ok.


Anonymous said...

Miss V,

I've been reading your blog for awhile now and never really commented (sorry, I'm a horrible lurker) but I felt that tonight, I just HAD to post something. Your post about your friends' separations really hit a nerve.

Only because I've been there. My ex and I were together 10 years (I'm 31) when we were married last June. In October (a mere 5 months after our wedding day), I found out that he had been cheating. To cut a long story short, it's been four months since our separation and I have completely cut him out of my life. We don't have kids so it's 'easy' to cut contact completely.

I can't begin to explain to you what the last four months have been like (feel free to read my blog for an idea maybe!)... but like your friends, my ex and I were THE couple - the couple everyone admired, the couple everyone thought was solid, strong and steady. Our relationship right up until the day I found out of his affair was a stable and 100% loving relationship.

It all came out of left field for me and my life was turned upside down in an instant. Today, four months later, although I know that the failure of my marriage was not my fault - the one thing I've learnt for the sake of my future relationships is that I MUST be present in my relationship. My ex and I were together for a long time and as you'd know being in one yourself, you tend to get comfortable and life can go through phases of being mundane and routine. I must admit, my ex and I sometimes got caught up with life which is no excuse on his part, but the one thing I would do differently next time, is to really try and be present at all times. That would be my advice to you...

Anyway, sorry this is such a long comment! But I just felt so compelled to post...

Miss Vintage said...

Janice - My heart hurt for you reading your comment. No one deserves to go through the hurt and pain associated with such a break up. You put so much into a relationship and to have to all torn away cant be easy.

You do however sound like a strong enough person to pick up the pieces and find happiness again and I am wishing you this with all my heart.

Thankyou for sharing your story. Personally I hope to never go through it but if I do I hope I can be as strong as you are.

K-L said...

You are expressing wisdom that took me my first marriage to figure out. And it seems Janice too. Life as with marriage offers no guarantees but honesty, communication and respect go along way. Enjoy the bumps together.x KL